Challenge: Getting Organized With A Bowl Full of Lemons

The current state of our home is mid move chic. There are boxes from when I moved out from my mom's, and boxes from when my fellow and I moved in together, and boxes from our move into our new house . . . 18 months ago.

We have two of things that we don't use, and do use, and might use one day. We have sheets that don't fit on any of our current beds, two cats and two big dogs that like destroy things that then I like to think I can fix one day. In fact, I have an entire room dedicated to things I am going to make and fix one day. Every room is a big project with more stuff in it than we need or can use.

I dance, so even clothes I won't wear to work or on weekends, I keep "for a costume". We have books we've never read, furniture we can't use, and more posters, pictures, and art than we have walls for.

It is all very overwhelming and suffocating. I come home and want to be creative, but just walking into my "creative space"makes me tense and 9 out of 10 times I flee the scene of the clutter crime. Something has to change, and when I saw the challenge by A Bowl Full of Lemons to organize your home in 21 days, I knew I had to give it a go. I'm a drowning woman and this is my attempt at pulling driftwood together to make a raft.

Now, I do not have 21 consecutive days to organize my home, but I do have need and anticipation, which will get me at least into day 7. After that I have the commitment of having posted my intentions on here, which will hopefully help with the rest of it. I'm going to take this challenge in the spirit it was meant for, and do a challenge each day that I am able to until the very last "day".

So deep breath in, deep breath out, and let's do it!

Challenge: Happiness Advantage Week 3

More details about this challenge can be found in this post.

Day 15
Good restaurants to meet with friends and have date nights in
Finding mystery seeds and all the potential they contain
A merciful game master

Day 16
Beating my fear of making the wrong choice by making a meaningful but meaningless choice every day. Take left or take right to get to work. Depending on the traffic flow, one could get me to work faster or late, but in the big picture, it doesn't matter.
Playing real life Mario cart with my life fellow on the way to work
Celebrating birthdays to show your appreciation of someone

Day 17
Access to healthy food and clean water
Getting my registration as a therapist sorted out
Truthful meetings with the boss

Day 18
The magical soothing powers of a good cannoli
Lazy days off
Loooong weekends

Day 19
Sleeping in and snuggling
Hot showers and good accoustics
The sun in my window

Day 20
Having the ability to improve my mood
Cuddling and watching a movie
Fresh baked cookies

Day 21
Flexibility and adaptability
Access to good healthcare
Setting goals and sticking to them . . . mostly. =p

Week 3 conclusion:
Okay, my time goals were a bit out of whack. This one week was really two. While I thought about things every day, they weren't always new, and I didn't write them all down. I am glad I did this challenge, but I am also glad that I no longer have the small pressure to record things and can just sit back and enjoy. Every grateful statement had a moment of "this is life". I felt more aware of those moments by week 3-4, as if I was both looking back and feeling it happen at the same time. Revolving around the little happinesses and really seeing how good I have it.

Happiness Advantage Conclusion:

So now that my little experiment is done, and I am deeply grateful for my life. Yes I was grateful before in a "cool, I am doing okay at this life thing" sort of way. Honestly though, I can be a bit of a whiner, focusing on the things that went wrong in my day rather than the things that went well. I really do have it good. This is a feeling I would have in passing, but now, a month after having started truly thinking about the small and big things in my life that make me smile, I feel appreciation far deeper than I normally am used to. As time passes, I hope to still practice small moments of gratefulness daily.  

Enjoy what you have now, because tomorrow everything could change.

Challenge: Happiness Advantage Week 2

Details to the challenge can be found in this post.

To sum it up: find three things a day for 21 days that you are grateful for.


Day 8
Neighbours who shovel your driveway when you aren't home
Warm days that melt the ice away
People sharing hard won wisdom

Day 9
Creative outlets
Strengthening willpower
Laughter

Day 10
Finding my wedding rings the day after I lost them at the YMCA
Unexpectedly meeting friends in strange places
The joy dogs have in fresh snow that banishes my own bitterness at the lack of spring

Day 11
Being able to stay in the office on bad weather days
Sharing food with coworkers
Winter tires

Day 12
Making pancakes with my husband, each one a different type of fruit and candy
Reading a gardening book and feeling excited about spring
Finally fitting my car in the garage! No more ice scraping mornings!

Day 13
Playing dice with family
Flushable toilettes
Not crashing into other vehicles during a particularly bad stretch of swirling snow

Day 14
Being friends with your coworkers and visa versa
No injuries when pup got into a dog argument
Extra wedding dress material to make cool momentos out of

Week two conclusion:
This was the hardest week for sticking to it. I would find things I was grateful for, but not write them down, or forget to do it altogether. For future challenges, I am going to need a sticky note or some other daily reminder. It has definitely increased my willpower abilities to stick through with this. Huzzah!

Challenge: Happiness Advantage Week 1

Details for this challenge are in this post.

Summary: I want to rewire my brain to look for positives in life by spending a few moments every day thinking of 3 different things I am grateful for.

63 things I am grateful for? Eek!

Day 1
Employed in my chosen profession.
Own a house to call home.
Newly married to an honest, loving, supportive, and kind man.

Day 2:
2 dogs that are currently sleeping peacefully at my side
Access to beautiful music
Work out instructors that are encouraging and persistent.

Day 3
Long distance communication
Nearly telepathic shared thoughts
Lovely artwork in unexpected places

Day 4
Expensed lunches
Meaningful conversations with friends
People who just GET IT

Day 5
The funny face my big dog makes when food bounces off of his nose . . . for the 25th time in a row
The way we can't stay mad when saying "bubbles"
Getting caught up in a long awaited scene of a book

Day 6
Warm fuzzy blankets
Baths with lots of bubbles and scented goodies
Travel Treasures

Day 7
Rich dark chocolate
Feeling my body get stronger with exercise
Inspirational videos that give me hope for the world and my place in it

Week one conclusion:
I am finding myself searching my day for things to be grateful for that I haven't thought of yet. Even by reviewing what I am already grateful for, I find myself staying more positive, despite some not stellar moods the last few days. I wouldn't go so far as to say this is full life style change, but it is a start!

Two more weeks to go! ^_^

The Happiness Advantage

This week I have been feeling dissatisfied. It feels like I am unwanted, unneeded, unsuccessful. The key word there is "feels". At no point has anyone ever told me these things, nor do I have any evidence. It is a mental state I walked myself into and haven't yet figured out how to walk myself out of.

Wanting some advice, but not sure what I was looking for, I rifled through TED talks until I found something that seemed to call to me. A talk by Shawn Achor, called "The happy secret to better work".

If you haven't made your way to TED talks before, I highly recommend you give it a try! They host some of the most amazing people in the world to spread new ideas through videos and conferences. They even have an app. ~_^

With humour, logic, and good story telling, he rapidly leads you into a hopeful state of mind. You can change your mental attitudes. Then he sets a challenge: Rewire your brain.

Challenge accepted.

Part 1:

• 21 days
• 2 minutes per day
• 3 things you are grateful for

I will update this post at least once a week until the end of the 21 days detailing my gratitudes. After 21 days, I will try to honestly answer whether or not I feel it has helped.

Part 2:

These are other things he mentions, and I see them more as goals than daily challenges.

• Journal about something positive that happened to you in the last 24 hours to relive it
• Exercise to teach your brain that what you do is important
• Meditate to practice focusing on one task
• Perform acts of kindness to open up your world to small satisfactions

After the first challenge I will tackle these. ^_^

Mindfulness: Tips to Experience the Moment

Mindfulness, being present to the moment and its experiences.

Not judging yourself for the thoughts and emotions you have inside of you, but instead acknowledging and accepting what is. This doesn't mean you can't adjust and change those thoughts and feelings, but the first step to change is to recognize what you want to improve and what you want it to be instead.

These moments can come at the busiest times. Take a breath and enjoy where you are at. Place something in your memories to be kept safe. Reframe your mind so you can better face a challenge. Sort your thoughts so you can take the next step forward. There are so many uses for being mindful, and so many different ways to go about it. It doesn't have to take much of your time to better appreciate what time you have. It could even be something you do already without being aware of what you are doing. But of course that is the point of this mental exercise, being as aware of yourself and your environment as you possibly can.

Myself as a bridesmaid for a wonderful
friend who is no longer with us.
A moment I am glad I was present for.

In A Word
Summing up my day with a word is a small way of reflecting on all of the events in the last 24 hours in under five minutes. Today was . . . brilliant, devastating, humdrum. There are a million words to describe this day of your life, twelve million if you make up your own words. Every day matters, and if a small moment defines the entire day, then that is the moment you want to acknowledge. Been a bad day? Acknowledge that too. Experiences and the lessons you get from them are what create you, in all of your imperfect glory.

In Many Words
Journal. Open a blank book, grab a pen, and write down every thought that hits your brain, as it is being thought out. This can be an amazing process of discovery, because you never know where you will take yourself. I have countless pages that start with "This is stupid, I don't know what to say" and end with revelations about why I am really upset, or how small annoyances don't matter. From big picture to micro analysis, this is your brain in free flow.

If typing is your thing, have a go at it! You don't have to post it online. Easy enough to open a document, put your fingers to the keyboard, and try to keep up!

In A Song
This is my favourite. Who doesn't listen to music? Even at times of my life where I am listening to audio books all day instead of music, I still walk into a store and hear something playing on the speakers, get put on hold and hear just the song I need, listen to the street musician and nod my head. Music is everywhere!

In lyrics, you can sometimes find the description to your feelings that you are having difficulty expressing. When I had my first breakup, I was a Linkin Park addict. Three Days Grace and Breaking Benjamin just seemed to get me.

When my friend, Michelle, was killed three weeks ago, I started listening to music again. I had the radio on scan, searching for a song or lyric that could sort through the mess my head was in. Then I rediscovered Florence + the Machine's album, Ceremonials. It just seemed to express all of the emotions that were churning inside of me. I am still listening to it on repeat, but the same songs take on different meanings as my mind sorts through different aspects of the situation.

What the song is about really doesn't matter. It is the lyrics that stand out and seem to call your attention to them. An unrequited love song can describe your attitude about work with a single line "day after day after long hard day and you still don't see me".


This is a very personal process, and yet one many people can identify with. There are quite a few resources online to help you find just the right song, if listening to your radio or ipod on shuffle isn't doing the trick. I just listed my top two free favourites, because a) I am cheap and b) no point listing crummy sites.

• StereoMood is my favourite way to listen to online radio ever since Pandora closed it's doors to us Canadians. Radio stations playing music to fit an activity or mood. There is even a dishwashing radio station.
• The Experience Project allows you to enter a mood or experience and find songs that other people associate with it. More mood options than Stereo Mood.

In an Image

Art has been around for so long for a reason. It gets you to stop, think, and feel. Great art, anyway. Some art is just pretty, and that is okay too.

When pictures in magazines grab you, cut them out and put them in a journal. When you are needing a reminder to be in the moment, look back at these and find the one that shows what you are thinking or feeling. Remember not to judge your choices. If unicorns make you think of your deceased father, go with the flow of your thought and remember him without questioning too much why.

Deviant Art has taken many of my hours away, but it is also a way to find art on so many subjects. Heartbroken, depressed, joyful. Do a search and see what comes up. Let the artist know they moved you, or made you think. 

Take a picture of the world as you see it in this moment. A shadow on the wall, the screaming man who hit your car, the clouds going by. People do this on vacation all the time, but that can be its own trap. If you only remember your time in Germany through the camera, you missed the point of the exercise. Putting away the camera can put you more in the moment sometimes, and if that is what is needed, then do that instead.

In A Breath

The most basic of all mindfulness. So often we get caught up with the stresses of the future that we forget to enjoy where we are at. I am very guilty of this one, but I am trying, and I like to think I am getting better for the trying.

For one minute, stop planning, stop worrying, and treasure the moment you have right now, because you can never get it back.

Breath in. Breath out. Feel your heart beat and watch the world move around you. However, if it is a charging rhino that is doing the moving, it would be prudent to step away first, breathe second.

Enjoy your life. Every frightening, fantastical, phenomenal moment of it. As Michelle once said, in her blog, The Canadian Pun'd, "The world is built on seconds." Make those seconds your own.

I am always looking for more ways to be present in the moment. Got one I haven't mentioned yet? Just let me know!

Beta Females CAN Cope with Alpha Females

The following advice was gleaned from my Alpha Female mother when I expressed my frustration at handling certain personality types during my practicum. It mainly has to do with my Beta Female personality briefly fooling the alpha female into thinking I am of her ranks so as not to be ripped to shreds or worse, treated like a child.

Women, like dragons, will eat you where you stand

and barely stop for a toothpick.

1) Distract. If they are in a position of authority, ask them questions unrelated to what their authority is in. Example: for my preceptor, I asked her questions about her upcoming New York trip, her children, etc. By conversing on an neutral subject, you are seen more as equals. Warning: make sure it is one that they LOVE to talk about, or you will be counter productive in your aims, gibbering on in a one sided conversation like the ultimate prey, the bimbo.

 2) Act confident. Being told you are doing it wrong tends to make Betas more hesitant as they double think their every word and action. Alphas sense this weakness and assume we are incompetent. Remind yourself that you know what you know. This works best with #3

 3) Don't care. If you care about their opinion, you are giving them more power over you, thus putting them in a position of authority, allowing them to stomp on your confidence like a floor full of peanut shells. Not caring about impressing them makes you more confident as well, assisting advice #1 and #2.

Mr Bear thinks you are crazy.
Mr Bear is memorizing every word.

4) Speak assertively. Our passive Beta female personalities like asking if we are right, thus garnering both approval and equally passive compliments. This is seen as another weakness to the Alpha Female, leading to the afore mentioned "you are incompetent" mind frame. Do not end sentences with an upward lilt, like you just stepped out of an Irish film. Do not ask if you are right. Don't ask how they would do it. State how you are going to do it. State that you would like their input.

Example: "I am going to _____. Afterwards, I would love to hear how you would _____ differently." Alternately: "This is what I do, but I am interested in knowing what you do." These assertive comments show that you know how to do the procedure, but are open to suggestions IF YOU DEAM THEM CORRECT. This means you are not simply a follower, you made your own choices and are thus an equal and no one's fool.

5) Redirect anger. This is one many of us Beta personalities already practice. In a non-blaming manner, don't allow the anger to latch onto you. Example: "I understand your frustration completely. I have been having the same frustration with _____." Again, this is putting you on equal terms with the advantage of allowing you to have a small bonding moment in a shared rant.

Some of these are counter intuitive to the Beta female and go against our every instinct. They can be especially hard to manage when you feel put in the spot. That being said, this really helped my practicum experience.

Good luck, Beta Female! And let me know how it goes.