Beta Females CAN Cope with Alpha Females

The following advice was gleaned from my Alpha Female mother when I expressed my frustration at handling certain personality types during my practicum. It mainly has to do with my Beta Female personality briefly fooling the alpha female into thinking I am of her ranks so as not to be ripped to shreds or worse, treated like a child.

Women, like dragons, will eat you where you stand

and barely stop for a toothpick.

1) Distract. If they are in a position of authority, ask them questions unrelated to what their authority is in. Example: for my preceptor, I asked her questions about her upcoming New York trip, her children, etc. By conversing on an neutral subject, you are seen more as equals. Warning: make sure it is one that they LOVE to talk about, or you will be counter productive in your aims, gibbering on in a one sided conversation like the ultimate prey, the bimbo.

 2) Act confident. Being told you are doing it wrong tends to make Betas more hesitant as they double think their every word and action. Alphas sense this weakness and assume we are incompetent. Remind yourself that you know what you know. This works best with #3

 3) Don't care. If you care about their opinion, you are giving them more power over you, thus putting them in a position of authority, allowing them to stomp on your confidence like a floor full of peanut shells. Not caring about impressing them makes you more confident as well, assisting advice #1 and #2.

Mr Bear thinks you are crazy.
Mr Bear is memorizing every word.

4) Speak assertively. Our passive Beta female personalities like asking if we are right, thus garnering both approval and equally passive compliments. This is seen as another weakness to the Alpha Female, leading to the afore mentioned "you are incompetent" mind frame. Do not end sentences with an upward lilt, like you just stepped out of an Irish film. Do not ask if you are right. Don't ask how they would do it. State how you are going to do it. State that you would like their input.

Example: "I am going to _____. Afterwards, I would love to hear how you would _____ differently." Alternately: "This is what I do, but I am interested in knowing what you do." These assertive comments show that you know how to do the procedure, but are open to suggestions IF YOU DEAM THEM CORRECT. This means you are not simply a follower, you made your own choices and are thus an equal and no one's fool.

5) Redirect anger. This is one many of us Beta personalities already practice. In a non-blaming manner, don't allow the anger to latch onto you. Example: "I understand your frustration completely. I have been having the same frustration with _____." Again, this is putting you on equal terms with the advantage of allowing you to have a small bonding moment in a shared rant.

Some of these are counter intuitive to the Beta female and go against our every instinct. They can be especially hard to manage when you feel put in the spot. That being said, this really helped my practicum experience.

Good luck, Beta Female! And let me know how it goes.

Easy Ways to Snaz Up Your Invitations

It doesn't take much to say "I want you to be here" in a really special way. Invitations, whether for a wedding, baby shower, or a backyard pot luck, are one of the simplest things to personalize!

I've seen these at both Michael's and Staples.
Too much brown for me though.

Get your stationary. For our wedding invitations, I went hunting through stationary and craft stores until I found invitation kits on sale. A batch of 30 for $20 and later a batch of 12 for $3 was the perfect start. There was no damage to them and no missing pieces, they simply were last seasons invitations in a clearance section. Score one for the consumer! Alternately, you can take sheets of good quality paper and cut them in half horizontally so you have 5.5 x 8.5 inch sheets. If you use coloured paper, placing slightly smaller white or cream paper on top will give you a gorgeous frame. Don't put it together until after you print your invitations, though, or you will ruin your printer and paper!

I want ALL of the colours!

Add colour. Now that you have your invitation kits with their handy online templates, pre-cut paper, and delicate designs, take your markers, water paints, or coloured pencils and proceed to make them the perfect colours to match your theme and whimsy. We hadn't decided on our wedding colours, but after a few experiments on the small RSVP envelopes, we settled on pink, orange, and yellow. That doesn't mean I wasn't able to sneak in touches of purple, blue, and green though!

The bottom ribbon was folded over to hide
where the tape was and give it a touch of class.
You can also make this your front with a
decorative decal over the fold.

Gather your decorations. Ribbon, stencils, stamps, stickers, flowers, crystals, sequins, lace . . . The possibilities are astounding and completely up to you! I bought my ribbon at Michael's for $1 per 3 meter roll. One roll made 9 invitations and each invitation needed two kinds of ribbon. Considering the amount I needed, it probably would have been cheaper to buy bulk from an online store like CV Linens (100 yards of organza ribbon for under $6) or Save on Crafts, but at the time I was not aware of that. See, dear reader? That is why you scour the internet. To learn from the mistakes of others!

Consider stamps. Unlike stickers or seals, you won't have to run back to the store for more when you realize you forgot that uncle in Uzbekistan, then end up buying a 24 pack for just 3 more invitations. Seriously, stamps could easily be your biggest friend. To personalize our invites, I used two stamps: a dragonfly and the words "dream". As you might have guessed, I was very pleased with how they turned out. Again, Michael's dollar bin for the dream stamp and pink colour. A friend let me borrow the dragonfly and brown ink.

Experiment.  Arrange your ribbon and other decorations on top of your invitations until you find a layout that works. Keep in mind the actual content of the invitations. As nice as a flower with bees flying around it looks, if the flower covers up the date of the event, the whole invitation is useless.  Be practical, then be fearless. Once you know what you want, add that first touch of glue or double sided tape on an invitation. Stare at it. Tilt your head. Try again. Tilt your head the other way. Still look good? Awesome! Keep going.

Don't be afraid to change your mind. I originally had all of the info sheets centred, but upon realizing the perilous journey these little invitations of mine would go through, moved things around once more. I ended up liking this new placement better. If your envelopes are sealed and you decided to add one more bit of gaudiness, don't worry. tDo what you can and I'm sure those who have a bit extra won't brag to those who don't. Which leads me to my biggest piece of advice:

The same, but different

Allow for differences. While it would be nice to have an army of identical invitations marching out into the world, this may not be the case. Whether because you couldn't make up your mind or ran out of something and had to improvise, no one but you will know. People see their invitation only, and unless you reveal your secret on the internet where anybody can see (ahem), your secret is safe.

I can't even express how much pressure lifted from my shoulders with this one concept. My invitations are handmade with a personal touch, and I wouldn't have it any other way!

Happily ever after . . . as soon as you RSVP!

How to Complicate a Cross Stitch Project And Learn A Valuable Life Lesson Along the Way

Step 1:
Decide to make two excessively complex cross stitch projects (because these things should come in pairs).

Seriously, how can there be so
many shades of grey?

Step 2:
Go to a dedicated cross stitch store with very knowledgeable staff who are paid through overly expensive thread that it turns out you have already. Get fabric cut to particular dimensions, receive far too many instructions, and leave promising to return "soon" (hahahaha) to get project framed.

Step 3:
Start the more complicated, but smaller of the two projects with high high hopes of finishing both by Christmas.


Step 4:
Shriek in frustration as you realize you have embroidered fabric horizontally, not vertically.

Step 5:
Undo all of previous work. Cry a little inside.

Step 6:
Start the easier of the two projects, easy being relative to image looking like a child colouring inside the lines vs size. Which is large.

Step 7:
Join full time schooling and enter the force of Study Students of Solace. Dedicated cross stitch time now reserved to summer holidays exclusively. Christmas completion date thrown out window.

Step 8:
Pick up project on following summer, by which point you have completely forgotten thread placement and plans. Spend 5 hours staring at instruction book counting tiny boxes that only Thumbalina could have drawn

Step 9:

Ah, the smell of success and blistered fingers

Feel moment of pride as features become recognizable and thread length is perfected so as no longer to cause knots large enough for a mouse to nest in. Have creepy sensation of being watched by project's half formed face. Make mental note to do eyes last on the next go around.

Step 10:
Put finishing touches onto first project 1.5 years after start date.

Step 11:
Stare at second project in fear.

Step 12:
Check and recheck fabric is vertical. Place first two stitches. Recheck fabric is still vertical.

Every X is a victory

Step 13:
Start second colour. Immediately lose place due to the entire thing being in 27 shades of grey.

Step 14:
Develop system where complete 10x10 boxes are crossed off with pencil.

Step 15:
Change to crossing off 5x5 sections after multiple miscounted boxes have to be unthreaded.

Step 16:
Feel pride as features FINALLY come into shape. Finish entire face before adding eyes.

Step 17:
Decide to add quotes to both projects, further complicating a task that the smallest child able to hold a needle without stabbing themselves is able to do.

Step 18:
Realize that you can get a college education before completing a Christmas present for your nieces.

Through all of this, I finally had to accept that I was not perfect, and neither was my crafting. Making something flawlessly would not make me any less flawed. Boy, was that a big pill to swallow.

I let go, and only then was I able to ask for help to get this thing finished in time for the newest Christmas deadline. The girls I had originally started these projects for were now facing high school. Would they still want it? My husband, solid and stable as always was certain they would.

Matted and placed in oak frames built by their uncle, the two humble projects looked fantastic. The faces of my nieces when they saw what they had made it all worth it. They didn't see the mistakes that I had agonized over. They saw the hard work and love that had gone into their gifts, and the last weight was gone from my shoulders

5 Tips on Writing Your First Blog Post

Orange Peel Flower,
temporary art from a restless student.

Congratulations, you have or soon will have started a blog! You've chosen your hosting site, your name, your layout, and hopefully your subject matter. Now for the first post. It is blog warming time!

Relax. Starting an online journal is a scary and exciting step. Don't make the mistake of over thinking it, though. Take a deep breath and remember that you can always go back and make changes.

Make it sincere. People read what people say because it is people that said it. That seems pretty obvious, but breaking it down, you have goals, experiences, and opinions. That's something everyone can relate to! Share that with your readers and you can't go wrong.


Make it count. A small child could easily drown in the amount of "Hi, I have a blog!" posts that are on the internet right now. In the interest of saving that small child, I encourage you to make your first post an example of the kind of writing you will offer the world. It is the preface to the rest of your blogging experience. If someone were to only read that first post, would they know what to expect from the rest of your blog?

Don't put pressure on yourself. Readers need constant content. Take the first steps at your leisure. Write a few posts, warm up to your style, come up with content ideas and if you are really on the ball, write a few rainy day posts for those days where you just don't know what to say.  By the time you are ready for readers, you will actually have something for them to read.

Have fun! Make jokes, post stories about the cute things your pet does, have pictures of your worst mistakes. If you make the process enjoyable from the very beginning, you will keep coming back to it. Few things are sadder to see in a blog than a last post made three years prior, usually saying something along the lines of "sorry I haven't been updating recently".


All of that being said, this particular post is MY blog warming ritual. To sum up my goals with this blog: helpfulness in a stress free environment with a touch of silliness to brighten up your day. Each post is a small lesson on living. Perhaps a post is relevant to you today, perhaps tomorrow. Perhaps you already know everything here and are just being a smarty pants in the class. Share the wisdom! So far as lessons go, that sentiment could write an entire textbook.

So without further ado I welcome to Feather Mountains, where Responsibility kicks off her heels and relaxes.